Saying YES even when it’s NO
Dodging responsibility in our house often results in a round of four kid monte with the DaddyMom trying to spot the queen. This morning, the cards took an unexpected turn for a member of the monkey troop.
“Who dumped out the clean laundry and left it in a heap?” I asked.
A chorus of four sang NOTME–professing innocence in the face of direct interrogation. Unfortunately, that escape route was blocked. I was Joe Friday. Only the facts need apply.
They were loaded in the car, ready for carpool–and a clean getaway–when apprehended. No one was leaving until someone copped to the charge. It wasn’t a major crime, but the golden rule hung in the balance: who dumped out the clean laundry? Who left a mess?
“The party doesn’t start till I arrive at work, so I can’t be late,” I told them. “But, for you, each minute brings you closer to tardy. So, what’s it going to be?”
I confess, but not really
As I zeroed in on my youngest, the others fell silent (probably wishing for invisibility too). Had her search for clean socks, left behind a mound for someone else to straighten?”
“Okay! Yes, I did it–can we go NOW?” she proclaimed. Adding, “I didn’t really do it, but we’re going to be LATE.”
Her sisters sang like canaries, “She did it,” said one. “I saw her,” added the other. There’s no honor among DaddyMom Monte players; when someone is busted, pile on.
Consequences increase with age. Unchecked bad behavior will lead to bigger whoppers and greater punishment later. Good parents watch for these teachable moments–and teach with them.
DaddyMom’s rule of thumb: tell a boy, show a girl.
For a boy, pointing out a wrong shaking your head is often enough. Boys live in the moment. Tell them now. Make it stick; engage their mind. The fewer words, the greater chance they’ll remember.
Girls, on the other hand, demand finesse. Tell a girl something directly and she’ll miss the message while trying to figure out what you’re really saying. Nothing is as it seems with a girl. We boys call it drama.
My little laundry dumpstress sat waiting to go, wrapped in a royal cloak of righteous indignation. Yes, she confessed. But, not really. Could we all just move on? Not so fast.
“Okay, tell you what,” I said flatly. Her siblings recoiled, sensing from experience a DaddyMom teaching whammy was coming. “You said YES to get past this, but you don’t admit doing it, is that right?”
“Right,” she replied, arms crossed, chin jutted out, looking just like her mother when angered.
“Fair enough. You’re free to go and from now on the answer for you is, YES–even when it’s no.”
Redirecting resistance for teachable outcomes
Resisting her quick-to-done thinking would be pointless. Resistance begets greater resistance. So, I played an unexpected card: I redirected her resistance into a teaching outcome: If YES gets her past a question without the attending responsibility, why can’t I do the same?
“Ask me anything, the answer will be yes. I just don’t have to mean it. Have a nice day,” I said, closing the door, sending her off wrestling with a DaddyMom golden rule riddle.
If the golden rule is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, you better be ready to get what you’ve been giving. Visiting unexpected consequences of their choices upon them teaches the clear distinction between right and wrong. And, I did it without any cards up my sleeve and only a minimum of DaddyMom sleight of hand.
Related posts:
- Saying yes even when it’s no
- Hydroplaning through the teen years
- Lend a hand, show the way
- We’re Cast Aways together
- Better DaddyMomming by Design
Tags: dads raising girls, fathering, golden rule, parenting, single parenting
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