Suddenly single dads unite

You and I are on a journey apart from most men.
Single father. Solo parent.

Divorced dads have a bench, sharing with their ex. Dads surviving a prolonged farewell due to illness slip into their new roles over time. Becoming suddenly single dad comes as a jolt to the system, a roundhouse kick to normality; life’s a whole new game. There’s no going back. And it starts now.

I was unwittingly happy in my marriage. The two of us had grown to be best friends. It wasn’t happy-ending-movie  happy. It was the real kind. We were friends who could wrestle in the mud of disagreement and emerge the other side at peace with our differences,  standing clean with respect. We were friends who could check our armor and bullshit at the door–and remind each other when that wasn’t the case.

And now for something completely different

My journey began the day my one true friend went home to Heaven. If we share only one thing, you and I, it is how unexpectedly that day dropped upon us. My wife and I had just had our fourth child the day before.  I was driving the kids to the hospital to meet their new little sister.  Tracey called to say the doctors said okay to her first post-birth latte–but I should bring the kids up first since I was only minutes away.

Four hours later, I was identifying her body, making final arrangements and decisions that serve as trail head marker of the ascent up Mount Single Dad. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes for this climb. I didn’t have a map. I wasn’t even sure there was a trail. Know that feeling?

You’re among friends

As Suddenly Single dads, we both know the rarity of finding male friends who can comprehend the total shift of life demanded to endure. We both also know the rarity of women who can connect with our gender-bending experience of nurturing children.

My then 7 year-old daughter put it best. Tucking her in bed one night, she looked up at me and said, “you’re a good dad. But, you’re a mom too. You’re a DaddyMom.”

Yes I am. You are too. Welcome.

This journey demands strength and weakness

When doubt creeps into your thoughts, it’s easy to remember our children need us to heal and thrive. What you may miss, and other can’t understand, is you need your children to guide you along this path. Taking it all on merely proves you’re a man. Admitting you’re over your head and need help acknowledges your humanity.

There are countless things to learn and experiences to be shared. I’ve unearthed resources to help you do more than cope. Check back often as I continue adding them here. This site, just like parenting, is an ever-unfolding process.

I began this journey alone–just like you. Together, you and I can help other men find their way. Let’s share what we learn. Let’s warn each other what doesn’t work. Let’s spot for each other in this act of  heavy lifting. As men, we can be strong enough to admit our weakness. That’s when we’ll begin building lasting strength.

We cannot naturally do what a woman can do. The sooner you let go of trying, the more quickly you’ll begin embracing the divine opportunity God has entrusted in you as a man. Suddenly single fatherhood is a transformational experience.

It can be done. We can do it together.

Related posts:

1. Suddenly single dads unite
2. Lend a hand, show the way
3. Better DaddyMomming by Design
4. Hydroplaning through the teen years
5. Designing the DaddyMom

Tags: bereavement, fathering, grief, healing, parenting, single parenting, widowed dad, widower